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(IN BOSTON ACCENT) Oh, yeah, oh, yeah! Harder! Harder!
I know, sir, I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault.
(ENGINE REVVING)
Lori, I've wanted to give this to you for a long time.
(SINGING) Flash!
See? There, proof. Garfield's eyes look like a pair of tits.
Yeah.
when I was eight years old.
Hey, Alix, what's up? You get in the club last night?
Flash Gordon. Quarterback, New York Jets.
Why the fuck would he say that?
So I’m a little beep up
I’m not gay
(BOTH IMITATE FARTING)
Hey.
Really? 'Cause that's not what I heard.
Trust me. I love you.
I saw you on television.
You know what? Fuck you. I don't even want to talk to you.
Yeah, she's pretty shook up.
It's okay, I'll drive you. I feel fine.
Thanks so much for coming.
Okay, be there in a second, baby.
The ladies and I were just watching Jack and Jill.
Are we having homosexuals over for dinner tonight?
it was actually really unfair of him to embarrass you like that.
Jesus, this is weak.
Sounds good to me.
You guys know Lori and Jim, right?
Cocaine, right?
You can put the ring in her ass let ger fart it out
He's the only reason I ever gained any fucking confidence.
that changed his life forever.
And then when we saw it fall from the tree,
Because I'm only going to need one.
Mom, Dad, guess what. My teddy bear's alive!
(STAMMERS)
You want to come over and catch a buzz?
(COUGHS)
Hey, Johnny! Total T.J. Hooker, right?
I could kick your fucking ass.
Give it a couple of hours. You'll be golden, Ponyboy.
Oh, my God!
Hello? Hello, John?
Yes! He did it!
Why did you have to take it there?
My buddy's in town with his cousin,
Couple of Brew-stoyevskis?
(SIGHS) All right.
why the fuck would she say that?
Listen, speaking of classy,
It's all right, go, go, go. I'll pull out of here.
And he said, "No."
They must feel awful. The live ones must feel awful.
Teddy?
on top of the produce that we sell to the public.
He's going to sing a song to a special lady
John, Flash Gordon was the most important influence of our formative years.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
It'll be great when it's furnished.
Thank you for being so honest.
I wish i had just gotten a Rocky Rodent.
Lori, why don't you like me? Ugh!
Thanks, man, it's all IKEA.
(SINGING)
Teddy-Rux-Fucking-pin
and Cherene's pretty ballsy.
Thank you for creeping up my night.
That’s a weird fucking thing to say
Then at 10:55 got a text from the same person saying, “thanks”
and we had awkward fuzzy sex in the coatroom.
(GRUNTING)
That special time of year
Thank you for creeping up my night
so we can give ourselves a chance without him.
But I want to wait until I get you something really special.
C for Cocaine
Thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant shit on us.
I'm a kook.
God, there are some fucked-up fish out there.
someday, there's going to be a ring in there.
44 cats
Ted!
You promised me this was about work.
No. Yeah. No.
Chuck E. Cheese’s is a natural and nasty on Spotify Where a kid can be a kid
I know. Try not to get lost. Come on in.
You have to understand, I had no friends before he came along.
Otherwise, where's the challenge?
Tom Brady could do that.
mas mas dame mas asi oh
John, it's almost 10:00.
SMASH BROS MARIO MAKER FURRYING GAME!
so you can pay for an apartment.
and that humanity can no longer fulfill its desires
Yeah!
This is Jared. He's the guy who beat me up.
Did you hurt your head?
I've been bumming around with Ted too much. I know that, too.
Go to your room right now, and sleep until you have learned your lesson.
Yeah, I know, right?
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Caillou Gets Fucking Grounded
Stay here. Just stay there! No, John!
papa stone *could* do that!
...a shit on my floor.
No, I can't do that. That would devastate him.
What do you got there?
I'm 35 years old and I'm going nowhere.
through the power of wishes.
Breanna, Amber, Sabrina, Melody,
Jesus fucking Christ!
I'm going to name you Teddy.
Bring it in, you bastard. Come on.
and bring a friend up to the stage.
Come on, dudes. Don't tell me you never done it before.
Okay, come on. Ever!
Johnny, I'm...
Did you ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm?
All I ever wanted was you, John Bennett.
Just go out with me one time.
So you think you got what it takes?
in the audience who he loves very much.
Teddy-Rux-Fucking-pin
In Ted, John says he wishes he had gotten a Teddy Ruxpin instead of Ted when angered at one point in the film.
(SINGING)
Well, that's... It's a factor.
(COUGHS)
Can you call him back?
They Save-Ums! May 18 2029 Ranted R
What?
Fuck Shit Bitch Faggot Cock Dick Penis
Come on, it's not that bad.
You know what, I think I, too, want a Martina Navrati-brewski.
I'm sorry to bother you
Probably, yes.
That’s lucky
No, not really feeling up to it.
Rex, I have a lot of work I need to get to.
That's 'cause everyone's mouth is usually full of your wife's box.
All right, here's your keys, your rental agreement,
All you've got to do is not fuck up.
Fuck it. Bring it in. Come here.
He said "no," he was going to stay there with you, and I twisted his arm, Lori.
Oh, I'm all right. I'm just getting used to things, that's all.
Nice. Good, huh? Good job.
You can put the ring in her ass, let her fart it out.
I thought the fireman stuck his own finger up his own ass.
Hey there.
vete no quiero hablar contigo
But as long as he's got his teddy bear,