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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
[Trumpet Fanfare]
Mm-hmm.
You have Howard Stern outside my fucking office?
And anything bad you say about negroes,
Good. Now, I'm gonna go in there
That's what I thought. Monaco.
and now this dickwad is calling me Big Bird.
And you got to try and catch it, OK?
Someone more pathetic than me.
and put the bass all the way up?
Let me introduce, over here to my right,
We give the award for best student film
[Faucet Squeaks]
I'm going to do everything I can for you.
I won't make any money.
And you know why I'm pissed? I'll tell you why.
My grandmother died last night.
He's terrific.
Ray: Oh, well!
# One more time, and when she got to... #
May I say that you are beautifully big- breasted again?
More than anything, I'd like the public to appreciate me.
and becomes the wacky morning man at WCCC."
[Tires Screech]
I bring egg rolls.
Oh, the underpants are coming off.
Ohh! Army? Navy?
and the corresponding days of the week,
if you have the same kind of problem.
# Yeah, you really got me now #
Joe… You are the motherfucking Antichrist!
- It's nice. - Sit down.
Ben: Shut up! Sit down!
And I start tomorrow?
# Oh, no #
Hey! Hey!
That's exactly what I'm telling you.
His name is Pig Vomit.
And what were you in?
Hi.
More sex?
and you're jamming the kielbasa
Mr. Stern, he's in a meeting.
is to make up a grid of all your comedy bits
Mandy has agreed to actually get on the floor with me
You have the face of an angel.
[Enunciation Unclear] Howard goes to Hartford at CCC.
Although, I did manage to convince one of them to be my weather lady.
Caller: I have one of those big sound systems.
Come on. Come on.
You spin and you spin and you spin.
You've got to tell everyone. My audience wants to know why you're interrupting.
Maybe the two of you would like to have
Fred: She's right.
Did you just say, "big cock coming out of your mouth sucks"?
Right now, I need to know, are you doing it or not?
Were you a Beatles fan?
About a year.
My father commuted every day,
and it's a wonderful thing to have you here,
[Door Closes]
Hi. How's it going?
This guy must be hot.
He says it through a character.
# I'm a tortured man #
I don't want to end up like that. It's so sad.
Nobody. Maybe, like, 3 guys in a dorm somewhere.
It's me!
OK.
Thanks. Thanks... Thanks for everything.
Robin: Was it a boy?
No. Actually...
SLOPPY!!
send a hit man to the United States of America
# There are many here among us #
[Applause]
Well, every morning I lie in bed,
[Murmuring]
W N BC.
She looks hot.
Listen to her. She's going wild.
Uh, you know, I bought a book,
Good day.
I liked that. A little bonding.
I'll tell you, nothing makes a woman hotter
I said when we came here, if I was gonna win on the radio,
And this is the hell that's my life.
And quite frankly, I'm just a little bit hurt
Ha ha!
I squoze it myself.
and we'll be done with them in a second and we'll be out of your way.
I was a captain in the Air Force. What were you?
And I blow up the whole damn thing.
We gotta move to Miss Brett Somers.
What an ad-libber, Ross.
How you doing, man? Good to see ya.
I just changed my mind.
I remember how embarrassing it was
Donald get the fuck out Donald get the fuck out
I'll tell you what, I'll just kneel over here,
Ahem.
You say whatever you want.
I can't believe you made me do that on the air.
# 66 #
[Smoke On The Water Plays]
Listen to me. Listen to me.
[Both Chuckling]
General Sarnoff formed NBC radio,
There's no smoke in here.
Howard!
Fred, get me back on the air.
Oh, my God!
Snap to it. I'm ovulating.
So...
I just told you I went there as a kid, and now the grand opening...
And we can just mail them a picture of that,
Yeah, it was my fault.
My wife, she comes home from work, she goes to sleep.
# Let's dance #
An hour and 20 minutes.
And every time I feel like I shouldn't say something,
bunch of creeps, and I'm not afraid to say it right now,
I'm gonna get these guys to hire you, all right?
But I think it's right that I go crazy, you know?
I'm showing my apartment now.
Hey, the Duke of rock's gettin' ready to walk,
Thank you.
Do what you need to do.
Howard, you gotta listen to this man 'cause he's a genius.
Yeah. You're beautiful.
There's a perfectly good explanation.
No, it's a very quiet street.
What?
If he slept with 16,000 women,
Howard On TV: I'll tell you another thing...
You want to be management, you fire him, huh?
And on the air, you do what you do. That's your job.
Howard: # I'm a radio star #
"If necessary, stuff a semirigid, large object
Coming up next on the Big Bird show.
they're really desperate for me, which I like.
Come here. I'm gonna kiss your feet.
- All right... - [Shivering]
- That's correct. - That sucks.
Howard...
What do you look like?
Just give me a couple of days to make them understand.
You think it's funny to make jokes about our personal life like that?
Look at me! Look at me!
This is the God's honest truth.
I mean, I have to be romanced.
Hey, God, me and my wife are trying to have another baby.
- Please! - For God's sakes,
you still would've lost the pregnancy.
- He's like a... child. - [Jackhammer]
of your summer stock experience.
I've been pissing off every publicist,
Mr. Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling.
I'm begging you to... I'm liking it down here.
I spent all night with her in the hospital.
# La la la la la la #
Now, from now on, all your little bits
[Cheering]
Our first clue up is...
"These are cocksucker, motherfucker,
Let me tell you something.
It's not radio.
No. I changed my mind, and I'm really sorry.
and you're putting it in your mouth,
[Swallows]
Now, give me a call here at DC 101
Don't hurt yourself, man.