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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
I want our school to be a place where it's okay to be a bad mom.
My daughter won't stop studying.
Oh, it's so bright, you guys.
You know...
AMY: Oh!
I'm so glad his wife died.
Did you hear? Dylan got a D on his science quiz.
I kind of came up with it in the moment.
Uh...
Hey, Jackson.
I like my nanny better than I like my husband.
Mike is feeling really trapped right now...
that Amy's little crackhead daughter gets the help she needs.
Sorry, what ingredients can we use?
when I forget/don't want to.
(GASPING AND CHEERING)
Uh, Amy?
She has the moms that always have a limb broken.
She knows my name.
It should be about two to three hours.
I'm going to the fucking PTA meeting with my fucking friends,
that I don't even understand the words
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.-
Hello?
So I just have to kind of fold his penis up like a balloon animal
I threw my son's violin in the garbage.
Really, he's got a hard body.
Our marriage has been over for years.
Amy. AMY: What?
Um...
Bye-bye, Mike. Honestly!
Because I'm going to hit her where it counts.
Hi, would you ladies like a Jell-O shot?
Great day at school. Love you, Mom.
it's not your fault.
No. No.
You know, my daughter's always saying,
Then racing to work where I have meeting,
There. Oh, I love you guys so much.
(GROANING)
I might have asked around about you a little bit.
No! Quitting is for Dads!
Why am I the one that's always drinking?
Hit her with it, G.
This chick seems like she's got it all figured out.
I have no idea.
Whoo!
Get your tits up
... so stop being such a damn pu$$y and make it work!!!
God, you needed a break from school and soccer and...
That woman scares me.
Love is stronger
(CHUCKLES)
Well damn
I suck at this. I just wanna go home.
Its Friday I'm happy so..
My husband was just arrested for embezzling
Oh, honey.
and go to work?
(GASPS) No, no, wait. I got it, I got it.
Winter is coming
I cannot believe Amy is talking to Jessie Harkness.
Oh, my God. I made nachos last night!
(INDISTINCT MURMURS) There's nothing more dangerous
where you're being judged on how hard you work
(STUTTERS)
Emergency PTA meeting tonight. Tell all your friends.
Even he's a better parent than you.
Oh, I'm in. Right?
Hey, we're sitting here. Move, move, sorry, move.
Will we see you there?
Yes!
Fuck it!
Because“.
Look, I am not blaming Amy Mitchell. I mean, my God, I would never...
Oh, I had two conference calls and then I took a nap.
That's a little racist, but...
And she hasn't given me a blowie
It's like a nun's closet.
No, no, no, no. I said come home now, damn it!
What is it with you moms?
Nope.
It's because we love our kids.
What does that mean?
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
I just don't wanna be weird, okay?
What was that... Wow.
Oh! That looks like you just got out of surgery.
Come tomorrow, 7:30, Meet the Candidate Night.
Adios, chuck! And my name is not chuck!
We were tipped off by a concerned parent.
and then this is the penis face. Okay? Mmm-hmm.
Get ur shit together
Dale, why is there a security guard in my office?
18-hole golf course. It's killer.
They are up!
Truck! Truck! Truck! Oh, my God!
Here comes the hot widower.
I am a slow learner, remember?
Gwendolyn, what could possibly be wrong?
Is that Jennifer Noonan peeing behind that car? Is that Jennifer Noonan peeing behind that car?
Mmm, nah, I'm good.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Jessie! What are you guys doing here?
Raising kids is an amazing experience.
It said fuckin' emu!
Amazing.
All right, let's go!
so I don't totally know where I am yet.
Uh...
All right, thank you, Gwendolyn.
How I mom
How do I handle it?
Yeah, she's fuckin' gone.
Oh, Jesus, you guys, look at the kids.
and it's all covered by my insurance.
Mike. I'm so sorry.
What? But it's due today.
Peace!
It’s very exciting!
Have fun.
(ALL SCREAMING)
Does that make sense, honey? Yeah, it's great.
Jason watch out It’s raining
Okay, go.
No, not for like 10 years.
I need this. This is my time. Do you know what I mean? (CELL PHONE RINGS)
Hi, Gwendolyn. Hi, how are you?
Right? Less PTA meetings, less luncheons, less fuckin' bake sales,
Yes! No, Dale!
Okay. Be amazing. Be awesome.
I made you lunch today.
This really feels like cheating.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(GASPS)
Won't Dad be mad? Yeah.
That means you're off the soccer team.
(ALL AGREEING)
This basic bitch right here,
and I sleep all day and I eat Jell-O and I watch so much TV
Of course I have, Mike.
where you can make mistakes, where you can be yourself,
Nothing. Nothing!
I miss the kids.
Joe it's raining dicks Really John
No. Here's the truth.
For real? I'm gonna stay the whole stupid game.
Is that from... Yeah. The Fast and Furious.
May I have a vacation? I'd like to go to Cuba.
Emergency PTA meeting tonight.
This is gonna look so awesome on my college applications.
You don't have to bring your own.
Yes.
Okay. Sure, take a minute.
Oh.
I had my first kid when I was 20 years old,
I Am A Good Mum Because I Give My Kids Bleach To Drink
Mandarin class is so stressful.
about the whole soccer thing.