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♪ Baby did a bad, bad thing ♪
Cough.
♪ Raise up your voice ♪
Why won't you let your mother come to any of your hockey games?
Well, thank you.
Okay, gotta go.
I can't explain.
No depends
ALL: EIEIO.
It's the story of a hockey player named Darren Roanoke,
Is it, now?
MAN: Starting mark.
and a grueling process of intense self-examination.
All right, I'm just gonna come out and say it.
Cheerio. Bye.
But I don't care if you win the Stanley Cup.
(METAL CLANKING) What was that?
Is it made from dog
TM.
Frankly, this is completely unexpected and I'm scared shitless
Chastity belt? That sucks!
(GASPING)
Hey!
Mi cajones! Mi bolas ! Mi pelotas !
JANE: Congratulations.
We must distract you from your emotional pain,
Ann Visible, Ann Flatable, and Ann Job.
You got a problem?
You were born on third, and you think you hit a triple!
He could play in game four.
You know, like in the porno.
Rajneesh! Mariska Hargitay.
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) This interview is over.
(IN ROBOTIC VOICE) By your command.
Remember, being vulnerable is being woundable.
DARREN: Okay. Yo, this my street right here.
BOTH: Nowhere.
That's hilarious. My parents are dead. Thanks.
It sort of became our song.
"Damn!" Quaking pudding. That's not good.
May I still drain my balls
His mother only lives an hour away,
Let's look at the word "guru," okay?
I decided to use the Morgan Freeman setting.
His childhood? Yes.
Come, come! Come on, boy! Elephant coming through!
I love my job!
Beat it, Rajneesh.
you would leave me.
Be seated.
You punched my testicles!
Ooo My nutsack! My nut’s sack! My nuts sack ! My nuts’ sack!
TRENT: So, the Leafs lose game two by a whopping six-to-one score.
It's thicker than a snicker
(PITKA CHUCKLING)
Are you all right?
They were dog stylists.
Intimacy is like putting your wiener on the table and having someone say,
Come on, Bodhi! Let's go quickly! Come on, Bodhi!
(LAW AND ORDER SOUND EFFECT)
"love without knowledge."
Cherkov, Pitka's coming. You...
You feel inadequate,
♪ Baby did a bad, bad thing ♪
Oh, hi.
Do you still think there is no connection
Fate is a joke.
So, all the men in the city blame me and my family.
And I got her cheap.
What? You tell me to be vulnerable, and then you turn around and wound me?
No!
♪ Lifted me up ♪ ♪ when I couldn't reach ♪
(HUMMING)
Damn it!
Hockey has its legends.
(GIGGLING)
They call him the Love Guru.
♪ Working 9:00 to 5:00 ♪
PITKA: Yes!
Yes, I am.
Show the T-shirt.
Doesn't feel good, does it?
Though I was raised here in India, I was born in America,
DARREN: Him, too?
(LOUDLY) So, it's an honor to have you here in my house, Guru Pitka.
ITS PRONOUNCED BLOWME
What's the other way? Well...
I find that term condescending!
Oh.
Now, how long will it take you to get dressed and get down to the ice?
(ALL EXCLAIMS)
Bodhisattva!
Do you have something to say to me?
♪ With folks like me on ♪ ♪ the job from 9:00 to 5:00 ♪