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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
You stopped smoking 16 years ago. Is that what you said?
- Listen, give me a kiss. - Really?
The universe is everything, and if it's expanding...
The man is 50 years old and doesn't have a substantial job.
Central Park's turning green.
Jesus.
Political commitment in 20th-century literature.
- Then you know who lived here? - Trigger.
Is it the old Groucho Marx joke...
Having you to walk with
The Foul Rag-and-Bone Shop of the Heart.
Oh, dear.
I'd like to come.
and we're going to meet Jack and Angelica for a drink.
What is this? Did you go to a rock concert?
Yeah, my grammy.
Go ahead.
He's been depressed.
I'm getting tired of it. I need your attention.
They're going to tape without you.
No jokes. These are friends. Okay?
I can't! My head is throbbing.
What's the matter?
like marijuana?
- Your first wife, Allison. - She was nice.
Does this sound like a good course: "Modern American Poetry"?
Photography's interesting because...
That's pretty serious stuff.
- Then there was Jerry, the actor. - Look at you.
- It's okay. - No. They're laughing. I'd rather not.
I'm moving in with you, that's why.
- Your girlfriend's name is Ralph? - It's for my brother.
- You're adult. You can pick up lobsters. - I'm not myself since I quit smoking.
and she makes love just like a woman.
was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality.
That day in Brooklyn was the last day I remember having a good time.
I can't believe this family.
So, you work for Stevenson all the time?
No, I don't think they're going to hate you at all. Contrary.
- Suddenly he can't do anything. - Why are you depressed, Alvy?
It's the influence of television.
or don't you remember that day?
And I thought of that old joke.
I'll get it. Concentrate, will ya?
it doesn't count, 'cause they're always laughing.
You have a car?
You're having an affair with your college professor!
I think I'm going to get better as I get older.
I don't know why they would have me at this kind of rally...
- This is more like a present for you. - It'll add ten years to our sex life.
Good!
- He's a jerk for one thing. - He graduated Harvard.
Adult education is a wonderful thing!
This guy is naturally funny. I think he can write for you.
what I wouldn't give for a large sock with horse manure in it
- You do? - Come on. I was younger.
Just let me... Come over here. Tell him.
We do the show live in front of an audience.
I used to get my aggression out through those cars.
I'd like to talk to you about that sometime if you get a chance.
Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide...
The alarm clock.
Here you are. There's people out there.
I'm like a comedian, so if I get a laugh from a person who's high...
Aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that?
You guys are wearing white. It must be in the stars.
Love is too weak a word for what... I "lurve" you.
- You didn't say it couldn't be sick. - Come on, Alvy.
And I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year...
There's God coming out of the men's room.
And we're invited to a big Christmas party.
- I'm not making any progress. - I can't win.
No. Maybe I'd better lie down.
I heard Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.
I hope you don't mind that I took so long to finish.
And Ivan Ackerman, always the wrong answer. Always!
in the Eisenhower administration, briefly.
But, on the other hand, the body doesn't lie as we now know.
That was my fault. I was too crazy.
Do you realize how immoral this all is?
It'll turn up in our bed at night. Get out of here with that thing!
You keep bringing it up, but I don't want to live in a city...
La-de-dah.
Since our discussions here, I feel I have a right to my own feelings.
If life were only like this.
I put on soft music and my red light bulb.
The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs."
If one guy is starving someplace, it puts a crimp in my evening.
Thank you.
- You'll take them to the airport now? - No. Duane can.
where the only cultural advantage is you can make a right turn on a red light.
Were you? I was at an Alice Cooper thing...
I'm not getting my period! Jesus!
- There's no other way to diagnose him. - This is not bad, actually.
I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is.
I want you to see my house. I live next to Hugh Hefner.
It's funny.
Alvy, let's face it.
No, I don't use any major hallucinogenics.
- When did you quit? - Sixteen years ago.
- Look up Uncle Billy, promise. - He is adorable.
Don't squish it. After it's dead, flush it down the toilet, okay?
Even wrote a road map to get us to the bathroom.
Right now it's only a notion.
I've had four lessons.